I recently self-published my first novel, Home Security, on Amazon for reading with Kindle. A few days ago I self-published my second book, Freaks of Nurture. And I’m now editing my third book, Bait, for publication soon.
This would have been impossible without the wonderful program Vellum. The rest of this post is a love letter to Vellum.
I’m thrilled to announce that my first novel, Home Security, is now available on Amazon! Woohoo!
Home Security is a funny, fast-moving book with a cast of characters pursuing oversized dreams.
Dr. Nora is a radio therapist who seems to specialize in awful advice. But some people find her brilliant, and they have made her show popular. Unfortunately for Nora, one of her fans is a weasly little con man named Torrelious Fulture, who owes millions to the mob. His problem is that they want their money now, and he hasn’t got it. He’s got his eye on one big score that would save him, but the mark isn’t biting. So Fulture has sent his hit man to kidnap Nora and bring her to a house in the woods, where he imagines she will counsel him one-on-one and help him close his deal.
Jenny Jetrowski is a nice person with dreams of serious journalism. A tight job market has made her Nora’s assistant producer, but after two weeks she needs to move up to something better, like shoveling elephant poop. But before she can give notice, Nora gets been kidnapped, and Jenny must take over for her boss on the air (good), and organize her rescue (bad).
Meanwhile, Chet Weinhard has found himself at the Seattle airport with nothing but a gym bag and a check from his parents, who have just flown away to an unknown destination with a shadowy television evangelist.
With the help of neighbors and friends, Jenny and Chet design their own elaborate, high-stakes con to bring in Fulture and rescue Dr. Nora.
This funny story is populated with colorful characters and a sense that, no matter how bad things seem, they can always get more ridiculous.
And you can download it now!
Pixar provides a wonderful program for viewing and manipulating images. The name of the program is a contraction of “image tool.” It’s named it. Seriously. The pronoun.
There’s a certain beauty to this name, because it’s one of the worst possible names you could give a program. It would be hopeless to try to search for information on this program online. Every sentence involving it comes up has to be carefully parsed to determine if you’re talking about it. As happened right there. Twice.
And of course, the Abbot and Costello routines write themselves.
A: So the next step it to open it.
C: Done.
A: So you have it open?
C: Yes, it’s open.
A: Just to be sure, what’s open?
C: it.
A: it?
C: Yes, it.
A: What’s open?
C: it!
A: Suppose I work in the cubicle next to you. I want to help you with your rendering.
C: That’s great, it’s always nice to have colleagues.
A: So I come over to see what’s on your screen, and what do I see?
C: it.
A: It’s what?
C: It’s it!
A: That’s what I’m asking ya!
C: That’s what I’m telling ya!
etc.
Pixar has made their RenderMan product free for non-commercial use! Huzzah! This is great news for anyone who likes to mess around with shaders and shapes.
If you’re not using Maya or Kantana, then you need to run RenderMan from the command line. Which is fine, but I found that there were a few hoops I had to jump through to get it turn on my Mac running OS X 10 (Yosemite). Here’s what I did.
If Star Trek was written by the guy who wrote the book I’m reading now:
“Hello again for the ten-thousandth time, Mr. Data.”
“Hello Captain Picard. Welcome back to the bridge of the Enterprise, the ship you are the captain of.”
“Indeed I am. And you are my trusted science officer, even though you are a robot.”
“But I am a robot that strives to understand people.”
“As we have discussed so many times, Mr. Data. Please point the ship towards danger.”
“Of course, Captain. I am bound to follow your orders, as I am a member of Star Fleet, a military-like organization with a strict chain of command.”
“As am I, Mister Data. But you would follow my orders anyway, as we have a bond of mutual respect.”
“Forged in many close calls in which we have come to each other’s assistance.”
“True. And though we carry weapons on this ship, we are a peaceful organization.”
“Of course we are, sir.”